We all want safe and committed relationships, but sometimes we underestimate what it takes to make those possible. It’s easy to assume commitment comes from feelings, but one thing about feelings is they change. Because our feelings can be fickle, commitment requires more than just good feelings.
Commitment isn’t just avoiding a breakup or divorce. It’s not stubbornly staying together. Commitment is deeper. It’s about actively choosing to love, serve, and stay faithful even when we don’t feel like it. It’s about practicing self-control so our feelings don’t lead us astray. Since we want committed, safe, and secure relationships, we need to understand what real commitment looks like and why it matters.
Commitment is a choice, not just an emotion.
Feelings come and go, but commitment comes from an intentional and consistent decision to love. 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 teaches that love is patient, kind, and enduring and doesn’t have room for self-centeredness or rudeness.
Love and commitment are not based on fleeting emotions. A committed relationship is built by deciding to love each other even when our feelings get in the way. Choosing to love even when we don’t feel like it is ultimately what builds a stronger relationship over time..
What does commitment look like in a relationship?
We’ve established that wanting a committed relationship and choosing to commit are two different things. Here’s what it looks like to choose commitment in your important relationships, rather than just passively hoping it happens.
Prioritizing your partner
You may think prioritizing your partner just means making time for them, even when life is busy and hectic. While this is an important way to prioritize them, it goes a lot deeper!
Ephesians 5:21-33 shows us what it looks like to commit in a relationship, using wives and husbands as an example.
Unfortunately, many have used this passage to justify bad, even abusive, behavior toward women. It’s important to recognize that Ephesians 5 starts with “submit to one another.” Rather than one spouse lording authority or power over the other, the heartbeat behind this passage is reminding us that commitment in a relationship like marriage requires both people prioritizing and caring for each other’s best interests.
Husbands are called to love their wives as sacrificially as Christ loves the church. Mark 10:45 teaches that Christ came not to be served but to serve. For a husband, this means putting his wife above everything else, and empowering her to discover and develop her strengths. Wives are instructed to honor their husbands. This means staying true to him and being respectful in her actions and words. This is how the vision of Ephesians 5 comes to life - both spouses putting each other first.
Being honest and trustworthy
Proverbs 12:22 says, “The Lord detests lying lips, but he delights in those who tell the truth.”
Commitment thrives on honesty. Honest communication is the foundation of trust, intimacy, and understanding in relationships - all things that a committed relationship needs to thrive!
Being trustworthy means more than not lying. Trust can’t be developed if we withhold our real thoughts and feelings. Hiding what we’re really thinking is the kind of behavior that builds walls.
Your partner needs to know what you’re thinking - but your job is to communicate it in a gentle and gracious way. Being completely transparent doesn’t give you license to be rude or harsh. As we practice transparency, we can help each other learn how to share difficult truths in a way that builds intimacy.
Choosing love, even when it’s the hard choice
Colossians 3:13 challenges us to “Make allowance for each other’s faults and forgive anyone who offends you.” This says easy and does hard, especially in a committed relationship.
Conflict will happen; we can’t escape it. Commitment means working to resolve conflict in a healthy and productive way when it comes up, rather than ignoring or minimizing it. Conflict can feel difficult in the moment, but choosing to work through it together is a way to choose love for your partner, even when your feelings are saying otherwise.
Sometimes it can be wise and helpful to agree to take a short break from trying to work through your conflict. Emotions run high, and sometimes the best thing you can do is agree to stop the conversation for a short time - at least until you both can return to the discussion with calm and loving communication.
Staying faithful in your actions and thoughts.
Oftentimes, we assume that being faithful to another person is purely based on our physical actions. In a marriage, for example, you might assume you’re being faithful to your spouse just because you’re not sleeping with anyone else. But faithfulness is so much more than the physical.
Proverbs 4:23-27 instructs us to guard our hearts, to stay on the safe path and avoid distractions. And in the same way, choosing commitment means guarding our hearts and minds from anything that could harm the relationship.
That’s where boundaries come into play - they help us make wise choices about what we watch, listen to, and read. They also help us think more carefully and intentionally about the way we use our time so we stay on the right path. Ultimately, boundaries are the difference between drifting through life and making thoughtful and principled decisions about the things that will impact your relationship.
Making the effort to set and uphold boundaries that protect your relationship is a way of demonstrating to your partner that you think they are worthy of respect and that you prioritize them.
Why Commitment Matters in Relationships
- It creates a foundation of trust and security. When both people feel secure in their relationship, they’re better prepared to navigate challenges with confidence. Commitment helps to keep misunderstandings from escalating, and creates a safe environment to work through conflict.
- It reflects God’s love for us. Lamentations 3:22-23 says, “The faithful love of the Lord never ends.” God is faithful to us even when we fall short, and committing in a relationship is an opportunity to reflect that same faithfulness to each other.
- It strengthens love over time. Passion may fade, but deep, lasting love is built through daily choices of commitment. It’s in the consistent decisions to love and serve over time that strengthen a relationship and help it last.
Commitment is the best choice you’ll ever make for your relationship.
Commitment is more than just staying together — it’s about choosing to love, serve, and stay faithful every day. It’s not based on feelings, but on daily decisions to treat each other with respect and grace, and learning how to keep choosing one another even when you don’t feel like it. When we commit to loving others the way God loves us, our relationships will grow stronger and healthier. What’s one way you can actively show commitment in your relationships this week?
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Sometimes, past hurts and current habits can keep us from committing fully. Here's how to find out if commitment issues are getting in your way.
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