In a world filled with responsibilities and distractions, it's crucial for us to revisit our priorities, especially in marriage. The Bible places significant emphasis on the marriage, highlighting its importance to God. Yet, interestingly, it doesn't address our relationship with our children in the same way. This distinct focus should not be ignored.
Let’s explore why prioritizing your marriage over your kids is not only biblical but also essential for the well-being of your family.
Marriage is a spiritual bond
From the very beginning, God designed marriage as a spiritual bond. Genesis 2:24 states, “This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.” This verse emphasizes the unique and profound bond between husband and wife.
This bond is so important and powerful that God discusses its priority in Ephesians 5:25-33 and even uses it to reflect the union of Christ and the Church. It's evident that God views marriage as sacred and incredibly important.
Marriage outlasts the parenting season
While we love our children deeply, it's essential to understand that the relationship with our spouse remains the most important human relationship in our lives. As our children grow and eventually leave the nest, the relationship we have with our spouse becomes the cornerstone of our emotional and spiritual support.
This does not mean we love our children any less; it simply means that the love and dedication to our spouse should not be overshadowed by our love for our kids or the dedication to their advancement or upbringing.
The dangers of neglecting your marriage
Many couples have found themselves on the verge of divorce because they prioritized their relationship and dedication to their children over their marriage for years.
Neglecting the marriage relationship can lead to emotional distance, resentment and simply a lack of prioritized time. It is vital to recognize that a thriving marriage benefits not only the couple but also the entire family.
Kids thrive in strong marriages
Research consistently shows that children do exceptionally better when their parents maintain a healthy marriage. They thrive emotionally, academically, and socially in such environments.
Your most crucial job as parents is not to provide your kids with every athletic or academic opportunity. It is to provide a stable and loving marital foundation for your children.
Balancing marriage and children
To prioritize your marriage, consider these cornerstones:
Shared decision-making:
Decisions about your kids should be discussed, and both spouses should have equal say. Never allow children to attempt to sway one parent against the other to get their way.
Children should know that you and your spouse are in lock step. If you disagree on decisions, talk about them without the kids in the room and always have a united front. This fosters a sense of unity in parenting and communicates to both spouses that their voice is important.
Loving your spouse openly:
It’s important that your kids know how you feel about your spouse. Remind them how important your marriage is and how much you care for one another. Emphasize the value of respect and love within your marriage. Never use your children as a sounding board to vent or complain about your spouse.
Healthy communication:
When conflict arises between you and your spouse, model mutual respect in your communication. Let your kids see that the health of the relationship is more important than winning the argument. Likewise, never allow children to insert opinions or take sides during disagreements between you and your spouse.
Regular maintenance:
Just like a neglected garden becomes overgrown with weeds, marriages can suffer when it isn't cared for. While it is natural to want the best for your children, it's equally important not to let their activities take precedence over investing time in your marriage.
Balance is key. Create a family schedule that ensures you have dedicated quality time for both your children and your spouse. Remember that nurturing your marriage benefits your entire family.
Prioritizing your marriage over your kids is not about neglecting your children but about ensuring the stability and health of your family. By doing so, you honor God's design for marriage and provide love and commitment for generations to come.
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Children are a wonderful gift from God. However, they are ours to steward for a season, while our marriage is ours to steward for a lifetime. Here are some more resources to help you create a great family culture and invest in your marriage:
Discovering Your Family’s Mission, Values, and Purpose
9 Communication Issues in Marriage
4 Ways to Increase Emotional Intimacy in Your Marriage
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