Shame is a harmful mindset that can keep us stuck in the regrets of our past. In order to heal from shame, you need to stop hiding in its shadow and listening to the lies it tells you.
Carter Featherston, author of “God Knows Your Story (and He’s Not Mad!),” said,
"Shame is an identity built around your lack of ability to accept yourself and be comfortable in your own skin. It's the fear that you will somehow be 'revealed and seen' for who you are, and then no one will accept you.”
Carter Featherston, author
Shame lies to us every day, convincing us that we’ll only ever be viewed through the lens of our mistakes. But God has a different idea of who you are – and discovering this truth can set you free from the biggest lies shame tells you.
3 lies shame is telling you
Here’s how to recognize shame's lies when they pop up in your thoughts and how to fight back with the truth about who God says you are.
1. You are a bad person
Shame causes us to believe the worst about ourselves. That’s because it tells us that we’re bad people because of what we’ve done, and we’ll always be defined by that. We can say goodbye to the hope of ever being a good person again.
The truth: Being a “good person” is a myth. None of us is inherently good – but God can redeem us. God doesn’t keep score of our mistakes. In Jeremiah 31:34, God says he will “never again remember” our sins.
2. You need to be perfect
Sometimes we fall into the trap of trying to silence our shame by keeping up a perfect performance. We think we can make up for our mistakes and regrets by being extra good now.
The truth: We can’t be perfect. There’s only one person who has ever been perfect, and that was Jesus. That’s why he died on the cross for everyone’s sins and mistakes. God knew we could never be perfect, but he loved us enough to make the ultimate sacrifice so we could receive his gift of forgiveness.
Because of this, we aren’t held to the standard of perfection anymore. That’s because, in the words of Romans 8:1, “now there is no condemnation for those who belong to Christ Jesus.”
3. You don’t deserve good things
Shame makes us believe that our mistakes disqualify us from having a good life. We become convinced that things just won’t work out for us, and we’ll always be rejected. It makes us prepare for the worst-case scenario, avoid opportunities, and self-sabotage – all as a way to protect ourselves from the disappointment about our lot in life.
The truth: God isn’t punishing you with a disappointing life because you messed up. That’s because Jesus already took our punishment.
However, our salvation in Jesus doesn't make us deserving of good things. In fact, the Bible tells us that we can still expect to have troubles in life even if we're following Jesus (John 16:33). But God’s forgiveness, which is available to us through Jesus, is a gift given to us without expectation or pretense.
Even in hard times, you can rest in the hope that God ultimately has good plans for your life. Romans 8:28 confirms this. It says, “God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God.”
Ignore who shame says you are
Shame wants to hold us back, but God wants us to move forward, with his help, toward a future full of hope and renewal. So forget who shame says you are and focus on who God says you are. That’s the surest way to finally move forward from the regrets of your past.
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Stepping out of shame moves us forward into new beginnings. But that doesn’t mean shame won’t still try to whisper. Here are 3 truths to overcome the lies of new beginnings.
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