Friendships can be a gift of support, encouragement, and love in our lives. But we all know what it’s like to have a bad friend. At best, they can be annoying to spend time with. But at worst, a bad friend can damage our self esteem, our trust, and even relationships we have with other people.
Proverbs 18:24 cautions us that “there are ‘friends’ who destroy each other, but a real friend sticks closer than a brother.” So how can we make sure we’re being a real friend, and why is this important?
Why it matters to be a better friend
It’s Part of How God Created Us
In the second chapter of Genesis, the first book of the whole Bible, we find this verse: “Then the LORD God said, ‘It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is just right for him’” Genesis 2:18. From the beginning, relationships are part of God’s design for our lives. He wants us to live in community with other people.
From the beginning, God’s value of relationships is laid out. Jesus took it a step further: “This is my commandment: Love each other in the same way I have loved you. There is no greater love than to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.” John 15:12-13.
Not only are we called to relate with one another, we’re called to love them and put their needs above our own—because that’s what Jesus did for us. By being a better friend, we are both following what God wants for us and reflecting his love to others.
It Impacts Others for the Better
Have you heard of the butterfly effect? Merriam-Webster defines this as a process where “small changes in initial conditions can lead to large-scale and unpredictable variation in the future state of the system”. It’s the idea that the flap of a butterfly’s wings can cause a tornado in another part of the world.
In the same way, let your good deeds shine out for all to see, so that everyone will praise your heavenly Father. (Matthew 5:16)
Only God knows the full impact that being a good friend will have, but it is not a leap to believe being a good friend will create a lasting impact on our relationships and communities.
Taking the time to listen may feel like a small act, but it could inspire someone to give their life to God, which leads them to show God’s love to the people in their life. The butterfly effect keeps going, and your decision to “let your good deeds shine out for all to see” (Matthew 5:16), may touch more people than you could have dreamed of.
Good Friendships Strengthen Us
God’s intention for friendship is outlined in 1 Thessalonians 5:11: “Encourage each other and build each other up.” We always seek to put others first, it is good to know that we receive benefits as well.
The challenges of life are easier to navigate when someone walks through it with you. Often what we need is a friend to provide encouragement, while also holding us accountable. Most importantly friends can help us stay close to God.
When we’re being good friends, science shows us the benefits. “People who have friends and close confidants are more satisfied with their lives and less likely to suffer from depression.” They’re also “less likely to die from all causes, including heart problems and a range of chronic diseases.”
Having good friends helps us stay strong—both spiritually and physically!
How to be a Better Friend
But there are also moments where we need to make the effort to refocus on God’s wisdom for our friendships in order to be a better friend::
1. Be present and intentional
Philippians 2:4 sums up how to be present well: “Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too.” To be intentional with our friends, we need to pay attention to them. Put down the phone, turn down the music, remove the distractions, and focus on them. Your friend will feel seen and loved!
2. Listen more than you speak
Depending on where you grew up, you may have heard the phrase “God gave you two ears and only one mouth.” James 1:19 gives us another way to think of it: “You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry.”
Being a good listener—listening to understand, not just to respond—makes a huge difference in helping your friends feel truly heard.. Remember to be quick to listen the next time you meet with a friend.
3. Forgive quickly and extend grace
Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others. (Colossians 3:13).
Forgiveness is hard, but it’s important work. When you forgive someone, you’re deciding they no longer owe you for the wrongs they did to you. In a society that’s all about keeping score, this feels countercultural.
But this is how God wants it to be. He forgave our sins—our deepest mistakes. So we should do the same for others.
Forgiving someone doesn’t mean they’re off the hook. Actions have consequences, and they’ll still have to face the repercussions of what they’ve done. But by extending forgiveness, you release yourself from carrying the burden of this debt.
4. Pray for your friends
James 5:16 tells us to “Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The earnest prayer of a righteous person has great power and produces wonderful results.” Our prayers are powerful, and when we pray for our friends we can see God move in incredible ways.
The next time you pray, talk to God about your friends. Ask him to be with them and guide them, and also to guide you in being a good friend.
5. Celebrate their success and support them in struggles
Romans 12:15 tells us to “Be happy with those who are happy, and weep with those who weep”.
Fair weather friends only want to be with the happy version of their friend. They show up to the birthday party, post the picture of laughter over ice cream, and come over only when the house is already clean.
To be a friend the way God intends, we need to be around to celebrate the highs but mourn the lows: come to the funeral, buy the post-break-up ice cream, and help clean the house when your friend is too overwhelmed to know where to start.
How can you be a better friend?
The key to being a better friend all comes back to the guidance God gives us throughout the Bible: encouraging one another, guiding each other toward deeper faith, and being a constant, reliable presence.
Which friend can you go to today to encourage? Is there a friend you need to pray for? Who can you celebrate with, or weep with? Who can you reflect God’s love and grace on? Choose one thing to do for one friend today, and see what a difference it makes!
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Our friends can have a greater impact on our lives than we may realize. Here’s your foolproof guide to making sure the company you keep will steer you in the right direction.
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