Anger tends to get a bad reputation. We’re told to “simmer down,” to “get over it,” and to shove our feelings away.
The reality is, anger is a natural emotion. God designed us to feel every emotion—including anger. Even Jesus got angry! But the Bible encourages us to practice self-control and wisdom in our anger. After all, the example God sets for us is one of compassion and mercy. He’s described in Psalm 103:8 as “slow to get angry and filled with unfailing love.”
So, let’s talk about some ways to control our anger and respond in ways that are more in line with God’s character.
Signs That Anger Is Controlling You
To help us frame how to control our anger, we have to understand what it looks like when anger is controlling us. It can look like:
- Frequent outburst of harsh words. These don’t have to be shouted - passive aggressive comments can be delivered at a whisper and still hurt deeply.
- Feeling tense, irritable, or easily triggered into reacting aggressively.
- Holding on to resentment or grudges.
- Reacting quickly and impulsively instead of slowing down and calming down before responding.
Ephesians 4:26-27 advises against letting anger influence our actions in this way. It says, “Don’t sin by letting anger control you. Don’t let the sun go down while you are still angry, for anger gives a foothold to the devil.”
Practical Strategies to Control Your Anger
In the heat of the moment, it can be difficult to respond calmly to a frustrating or overwhelming situation. Here are some practical strategies that could be helpful in controlling anger.
Pause Before Reacting
Anger tells us something is wrong, and we need to do something about it. Unfortunately, anger often clouds our judgement, so we don’t always react well. Creating distance between the urge to respond and actually responding can help us control our anger. Five strategies include:
- Take a deep breath and count to 10.
- If you're texting, walk away from your phone for a few minutes.
- Ask yourself, “Will this matter a day from now? A month from now?”
- Memorize James 1:19: “Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry.”
- Go for a walk or stand outside for a few minutes.
Communicate Instead of Exploding
Anger tells us that we need to defend ourselves. Controlling our anger means resisting the urge to attack back.
- Use I statements: “I feel frustrated when…” instead of blaming the other person.
- Focus on finding solutions rather than dwelling on the problem.
- Allow the other person to talk without interrupting them or ridiculing what they are saying. Communication is a two-way street.
Identify the Root Cause
Anger is often a secondary emotion, meaning that there is always an original emotion (usually fear or disappointment) we felt before becoming angry. Identifying which one triggered the anger is really helpful in controlling your response. Here are some steps you can take alone or with a trusted friend to help identify and control your anger:
- Ask yourself, “Am I really angry about the current situation, or is this reminding me of something else?”
- Keep a journal that helps you recognize patterns and triggers.
- Ask yourself, “Am I angry because I feel afraid, unsafe, or disappointed?”
Mentors, pastors, and counselors are also great people to help you dig below the surface and find out what is causing these emotions. If you’d like to talk to someone, let us know—we can help connect you!
Change Your Perspective
Anger makes it easy to assume the worst about someone. Controlling our anger sometimes means giving people the benefit of the doubt or a second chance. It’s reminding ourselves that everyone is made in the image of God. We’re called to love people as God loves them - even those who make us angry.
“So now I am giving you a new commandment: Love each other. Just as I have loved you, you should love each other. Your love for one another will prove to the world that you are my disciples.” John 13:34-35
Pray and Surrender Your Anger to God
Even when we’re angry, God loves us and doesn't want to leave us alone in our frustration or fear. Whenever you’re feeling angry, you can ask God for peace and wisdom in dealing with the situation. He wants to help us control our anger and respond with his love and compassion instead.
“Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you.” 1 Peter 5:7
Long-Term Ways to Keep Anger in Check
Taking a deep breath may work in the short-term, but if anger is a persistent struggle, it could be worth taking extra steps so it doesn’t keep consuming you.
Develop a Habit of Patience
The more you practice self-control (calming down before reacting), the easier it becomes. Patience is also powerful in helping to control anger.
Like Proverbs 16:32 says, it's "better to be patient than powerful; better to have self-control than to conquer a city."
Seek Out Good Advice
If anger is really difficult to manage alone, talk to a trusted mentor, pastor, or counselor. There are so many people who would be honored to help you gain control over your anger. It takes a lot of strength to ask for help, so you never need to feel ashamed or weak. Anger can be a beast to try to manage alone - it’s okay to ask for help.
Forgive and Let Go
Anger can feed off of resentment, so finding happiness in forgiveness can be a powerful tool in controlling your anger. Holding on to what makes you angry usually hurts you more than it hurts the other person. Forgiveness isn’t saying the other person didn’t do anything wrong - it’s setting you free from the pain they caused you. When you refuse to let their actions affect you, you gain control over your anger.
Ephesians 4:31-32 reminds us to "get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander… Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you."
Anger Doesn’t Have to Control You
Remember, anger is a natural part of life. We can’t stop ourselves from feeling angry, but we don’t have to let it control us.
With patience, prayer, and the practical strategies listed above, we can manage our emotions in a healthy way.
Again, the goal is not to never feel angry—it's to handle it wisely and honor God with our reactions. Instead of letting our emotions and circumstances control us, we take control of our anger.
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Anger can really mess with our heads, sometimes either leading to other mental struggles or making existing mental health issues worse. Mental health is something we take seriously at LCBC. Here are the Top 10 LCBC Messages on Mental Health.
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