We all mess up—but sometimes we hold onto our guilt long after the situation has resolved. Guilt and shame can linger, making us feel undeserving of forgiveness. And when we struggle to forgive ourselves for our past, it makes it harder to accept forgiveness from others, or from God.
God doesn’t want us to be weighed down by our guilt. He offers us forgiveness and new life, and it’s ours for the taking! So the question is: Do you want to live free of guilt as God intended?
If the answer is yes, here’s how to forgive yourself.
You can forgive yourself because God forgives you!
Here’s the truth: you don’t need to forgive yourself. True, life-altering forgiveness is a gift from God. It is unconditional and covers all our sins and mistakes. We can’t fully move on from our shame and guilt until we’ve internalized this truth.
God gives us a promise in 1 John 1:9 “But if we confess our sins to him, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all wickedness.” When we acknowledge our mistakes and ask God for grace, he will forgive us. Then, we’re called to pay it forward and share that forgiveness with others—and ourselves.
Here are some points to remember when you are struggling to forgive yourself:
Recognize the power of God's grace
In Ephesians 2:8-9, Paul tells us, “God saved you by his grace when you believed. And you can’t take credit for this; it is a gift from God.” We can’t do anything ourselves to earn God’s forgiveness. It’s a gift freely given to us! That means you don’t need to punish yourself or do penance for your past mistakes.
Let go of the past
Sin isn’t a small thing. It’s important to confess to God the ways you’ve fallen short—but he doesn’t want us to stay stuck there. Once you trust Jesus, you are forgiven and God will not condemn you for your past. That means you shouldn’t either! Your old life is gone, and a new one has begun.
But forget all that— it is nothing compared to what I am going to do. For I am about to do something new. See, I have already begun! Do you not see it? (Isaiah 43:18-19)
Reject the idea that your mistakes define you
Have you ever heard the story of Zacchaeus? He was a man who had a reputation and a rap sheet. Most people didn’t associate with him—but not Jesus. Jesus wanted to spend time with him, even asking to come over for dinner to get to know him better!.
Jesus knew what Zacchaeus had done in his life—the ways he’d wronged people and participated in corruption. But Jesus also saw the person Zacchaeus could become. Similarly, Jesus doesn’t define you by your past, but by who you are in him. Paul said it well in 2 Corinthians 5:17: “This means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun!” Allow your new identity in Christ to shape your self-view.
Seek accountability and support
Talking to a trusted friend can help when you are trying to figure out how to forgive yourself. Learning that others have gone through similar guilt will remind you that you are not alone, easing the emotional burden you’re feeling. Paul tells us to “share each other’s burdens, and in this way obey the law of Christ” (Galatians 6:2).
Healing can only happen when we do the hard work of naming, confessing, and working through the shame of our past. That can include confessing to God and others, praying, or even professional counseling. We'd love to pray for you too when you are working through guilt and struggling with forgiving yourself.
Give yourself grace and compassion
Think about how you’d respond if one of your close friends came to you with the incredible guilt they’re carrying. More than likely, you’d show them compassion, gently reminding them of the forgiveness they have in Christ. If your friend is that deserving of grace, why wouldn’t you be as well?
Your self-talk can have a greater impact than you realize. Remind yourself that you are deserving of forgiveness and a fresh start. Speak positive affirmations over yourself: I am forgiven! I am loved! I am not defined by my past!
God created each one of us and we are valuable in his eyes, no matter what mistakes we make. God knows you have weaknesses—after all, he made you! You aren’t supposed to beat yourself up because you don’t have it all together yet.
You are loved. Period.
John tells us “God showed how much he loved us by sending his one and only Son into the world so that we might have eternal life through him." (1 John 4:9-10).
God loves you so deeply, so completely, that he sent Jesus to die—for you. For all your flaws, all your shortcomings, all the things you’ve done in your life that go against God.
God’s love is incredible. And it can be a powerful reminder and encouragement to you the next time you’re struggling with shame. Next time you’re feeling paralyzed with guilt, remember these truths about God’s love, and remind yourself that they apply to you:
- God’s love lasts forever. His forgiveness is not limited by your mistakes (Psalm 103:12).
- God’s love is unconditional. It’s not based on your perfection (Romans 5:8).
- God’s love is constant. It will never change (Isaiah 54:10).
- God’s love can give you the confidence to forgive yourself (1 John 4:17).
- God’s love is the foundation for our love (1 John 4:19).
God wants you to know that true happiness can’t be found in living a perfect, mistake-free life. It can only come from a relationship with him. Ultimately, our greatest need isn’t to forgive ourselves, but to receive the forgiveness God wants to offer us. The mistake you made didn’t change your purpose, so don’t let it hold you back from stepping into the life God has for you. Trust in God’s ability to help you move forward.
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Receiving God's forgiveness means we can have peace with him - but what does that mean, and why does it matter?
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LCBC stands for Lives Changed By Christ. We are one church in multiple locations across Pennsylvania. Find the location closest to you or join us for Church Online. We can’t wait to connect with you!