Parenting teenagers can feel like walking a tightrope. They’re figuring out who they are, testing boundaries, and asserting their independence. As a parent, you love your teen—but the pushback, eye rolls, and attitude can feel relentless. Conversations can quickly turn into battles, leaving you feeling frustrated and unsure how to respond.
It’s normal for teenagers to argue with their parents. But sometimes, their attitude is really a question: Can I trust you to love me even when I push back?
What to Do When Your Teen Keeps Pushing Back
Your teenager is discovering their own values, testing limits, and forming their identity. And as a parent, you have the opportunity to play a strong, supportive role in helping them grow into the adults God created them to be.
Stay Calm
Our first piece of advice comes straight from Scripture: “A gentle answer deflects anger, but harsh words make tempers flare” (Proverbs 15:1).
You may feel like you’re at your wit’s end with your teenager, but snapping or raising your voice will only make matters worse. By keeping calm and controlling your anger, you can continue to foster a space where your child feels safe to express their feelings, questions, and frustrations—and you model a healthier way to navigate them. Remember staying calm is not a sign of weakness. After all, God—the ultimate example of power—engages with us in our own rebellion not through harsh force but with gentle patience.
It's About Staying Present, Not Keeping Power
When a horse is being trained to be more accustomed to human touch—so it can eventually be ridden—it starts out incredibly tentative and confused. You could force the horse into submission, but that approach breaks them down and erodes their trust. Alternatively, a gentle, patient approach helps trust grow and develops a more confident, assured horse.
When you view conflict and tension as a power struggle, your goal as a parent will shift from nurturing your relationship with your child to “winning” every argument and disagreement. But the goal isn’t to come out on top—it's to stay present with your teen through all of their ups and downs.
Ways to Stay Present as a Parent
- Listen more than you lecture: let your teen share their thoughts without immediately correcting or judging them.
- Show up consistently: Even when it’s hard, consistent presence in their lives communicates love and stability. Show interest, make an effort, and ask thoughtful questions.
- Respond with patience: A calm, steady voice during tense moments keeps the door open for more communication—and the opportunity to guide and influence them.
- Lead from truth, not fear: You can’t control the aftermath of every argument, but you can control how you react and respond. Instead of trying to force a specific outcome, guide them based on what you already know to be true.
Connection Goes Further Than Control Does
Obedience may be forced through control, but true connection with your teenager comes through patience, empathy, and steady love. You don’t need to be perfect—stay grounded in who you are, confident in your role as a parent, and anchored in God’s truth. Not only will you model healthy conflict with them, but if your children ever have children of their own someday, you’ll have also shown them what it looks like to be a patient, strong parent.
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