Grief is one of the hardest things we’ll ever face—and watching someone we care about walk through it can leave us feeling helpless.
We want to say the right thing when someone we care about is suffering. We want to show up well. But in moments of deep pain, it’s easy to wonder if our words will help or just make things worse.
If you're wondering what to say to someone who is grieving, you're not alone. The good news is you don’t have to have all the right words. But what you say, and how you show up, can make a real difference.
Here are a few helpful ways to offer comfort, connection, and care when someone is hurting.
Start by Acknowledging Their Loss
Say this: “I’m so sorry for your loss.”
Simple words go a long way. Acknowledging the loss validates their pain and lets them know you see what they’re going through. You don’t need to say a lot—just start by showing you care.
Offer Real, Tangible Support
Say this: “I’m here for you.”
Even better? Be specific. Try:
- “Would it be helpful if I brought dinner this week?”
- “Can I pick up groceries or help with errands?”
- “I have a flexible schedule—want me to come over sometime?”
While we mean well when we say, “Let me know if you need anything,” it can be overwhelming for someone who's grieving to name what they need. Specific offers make it easier to accept help.
Share a Memory
Say this: “I’ll always remember the time when…”
Telling a story about the person they lost can bring comfort and even spark a smile through tears. It’s a way of celebrating the life they lived—and reminding your friend that their loved one made an impact.
Memories and stories are powerful. Don’t be afraid to share yours.
Just Be Present
Say this: “I’m here to listen if you want to talk.”
You don’t have to fix anything. You don’t need all the answers. Often, your quiet presence and willingness to listen matter more than anything you could say.
Offer Faith-Based Comfort (But Be Thoughtful)
Say this: “I’m praying for you and your family during this time.”
For someone who shares your faith, prayer can be a deep source of comfort. A verse or reminder of God’s presence can go a long way:
“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted.” – Psalm 34:18
Avoid spiritual clichés that may sound helpful but can actually feel dismissive—things like, “Heaven needed another angel.” Instead, speak with sincerity, and keep the focus on compassion, not explanation.
Don’t Compare Their Grief
Say this: “I can’t imagine what you’re going through.”
Even if you’ve experienced loss yourself, every grief journey is different. It’s okay to share that you care—just avoid jumping into stories about your own experiences right away. This moment is about them.
Invite them to share—but don’t force it
Say this: “Whenever you feel like talking about it, I’m here.”
Some people process through words. Others need space. Letting them know the door is open without pressure gives them the freedom to grieve in their own way, at their own pace.
Respect their grieving process
Say this: “Take all the time you need. I’m not going anywhere.”
Grief isn’t one-size-fits-all. There’s no deadline, no “right” way to feel. Reminding your friend that they don’t have to hurry their healing can lift a huge emotional weight. Your continued presence matters more than you know.
Avoid These Common (But Unhelpful) Phrases
Even the most well-meaning comments can sometimes land wrong. Try to steer clear of these:
- “At least they lived a long life.”
- “Everything happens for a reason.”
- “I know someone who went through something similar.”
You might be trying to help them feel better. But these kinds of phrases can minimize their pain or make it seem like they should feel differently.
Instead, focus on listening. Acknowledge that their grief is real. And remember—it’s okay to just sit with someone in their sadness.
The Best Thing You Can Do is Show Up
If you’re wondering what to say to someone who’s grieving, start here: Show up. Be kind. Don’t worry about having the perfect words.
A listening ear, a thoughtful message, or a quiet moment of presence can mean more than you realize. You may not be able to take away their pain—but you can remind them they’re not alone in it. And that’s more powerful than you think!
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We don’t always know how to help when someone’s grieving, and that can be especially true when it comes to kids. Here's some advice for supporting kids through grief.
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