The content on this page is intended for couples who are experiencing distance or disconnection in their marriage. It is not an encouragement to stay in situations where there is abuse of any kind. If you are in an unsafe relationship, your safety matters, and help is available. For immediate assistance, contact the Domestic Abuse Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 or the National Domestic Abuse website www.thehotline.org.
The reality of many marriages is that physical intimacy can slowly fade. Over time, some couples find themselves having sex only a handful of times a year—if at all. For many, the silence around this issue can feel just as heavy as the issue itself. And if you’re struggling with a lack of physical intimacy in your marriage, it can feel isolating.
Why Do Marriages Fizzle Out?
Very few marriages start this way.
Most sexless marriages aren’t shaped by one defining moment or decision. They’re formed through small, unaddressed shifts that compound over time.
Exhaustion begins to wear things down. Unresolved conflict creates distance. Busy schedules replace intentional connection. Health changes alter desire or confidence. Emotional closeness erodes, and physical closeness starts to feel awkward—or unsafe.
For some couples, sex becomes transactional. For others, it becomes uncomfortable. For many, it simply fades into the background as the demands of life take center stage.
Scripture reminds us that marriage is more than a legal or emotional bond. It’s a physical and spiritual union. From the beginning, God’s design was oneness—”the two are united into one” (Genesis 2:24).
When that “oneness” begins to fracture, physical intimacy is often one of the first places it shows.
Why Physical Intimacy Matters in a Marriage
Sex is not the most important part of a marriage, but it isn’t unimportant.
God designed physical intimacy as a way for a husband and wife to express trust, safety, vulnerability, and connection. The apostle Paul speaks plainly about this in the Bible, encouraging spouses to care for one another’s needs and not to drift into distance (1 Corinthians 7:3–5).
When intimacy disappears—and it’s left unaddressed—the impact can be catastrophic. Resentment starts to grow. Insecurities deepen. Loneliness often settles in.
Many spouses begin to feel unwanted or unseen by their partner, quietly wondering if they’re no longer desirable. Others carry shame, assuming something is fundamentally wrong with them.
In those vulnerable spaces, a marriage can become more vulnerable to external threats. A partner who is feeling neglected or unloved will be tempted to look elsewhere—such as pornography or affairs—for the affirmation they long for. But these alternatives are never the solution.
So, how can married couples protect themselves from this kind of deterioration? And if you already notice it happening in your marriage—is there anything you can do to reverse it?
How to Get the Spark Back & Restore Physical Intimacy
Sometimes, we get a misinformed idea of God—that when we need help, he’s passively watching as we try to figure it out on our own. But God doesn’t condemn couples who are struggling. He wants to help restore what’s been damaged and help rebuild the foundation of love, intimacy, trust, and respect that may be faltering.
And in the Bible, he gives us a playbook for how to protect and restore our most important relationships.
5 Bible-Based Strategies to Protect Intimacy in Your Marriage
When there’s a misalignment with sex in a marriage, the root of the problem isn’t always physical. The Bible outlines 5 key checkpoints to make sure your marriage as a whole is strong—and a safe, trusting environment to foster a physical connection.
1. Keep your conversations honest.
Whether you’re feeling neglected or you’re noticing a dip in your drive, it’s important to keep lines of communication open with each other. Take care to avoid making excuses or placing blame—just start the conversation and speak the truth in love (Ephesians 4:15) so you can work toward a solution together.
2. Keep your marriage a safe space.
Sex is vulnerable—and when a sense of emotional trust and safety are missing, that can have an effect on the physical side. Anytime you fall short in being patient, forgiving, or kind with your—even when it doesn’t directly have to do with your sex life—the fortress of trust can begin to chip away.
Own up to your mistakes, ask for forgiveness, and change what you need to change. And if your spouse is the one asking for forgiveness, be sure to follow the advice in Colossians 3:13 to “make allowance” for their faults and extend forgiveness.
3. Keep God involved in your marriage.
Ecclesiastes 4:12 reminds us that while two people can protect each other, “a cord of three strands is not easily broken.” Marriage is meant to be a relationship that involves God—and when you’re struggling with something, praying about it together can make a huge difference.
4. Professional help is an underrated resource.
There’s a stereotype that couples counseling is the “kiss of death” in a marriage. But think of your marriage like a car: you take care of routine maintenance like changing the oil and the brakes to stay ahead of big problems, and you take it to a mechanic when something isn’t working.
Marriages need the same kind of maintenance! Proverbs 11:14 reminds us how valuable a wise, third-party voice can be—and when anxiety, trauma, or exhaustion hit your marriage, a pastor or counselor can help give you a tune-up before things completely break down.
5. Pursue connection before intercourse.
Sex itself doesn’t make a marriage, and it shouldn’t be put on a pedestal over the other things that make a long-term relationship work. Intimacy—both physical and emotional—grows when both parties feel seen, known, and loved. Learn your partner’s love language, keep doing things together, and keep learning about your spouse. Remember the way 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 describes love and strive to bring each of those qualities to your marriage.
A Sexless Season Doesn’t Mean a Hopeless Marriage
God is a god of restoration. He brings life where things feel dormant. He rebuilds trust where it’s been damaged. He renews intimacy where connection has slowly slipped away.
If your marriage is in a dry spell, restoring that intimacy may take time. It may require courage and humility. But it is possible. And if your marriage needs restoration, we’d love to help—contact us to get connected with a pastor or counselor, or check out these marriage resources.
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