You want to be able to help your kids through every moment—from scraped knees and bad grades to breakups and college rejections.
But mental health can feel different. It's heavier. More fragile. When you see signs of anxiety, withdrawal, or hurt that you can't fix quickly, it's easy to wonder if you're doing enough help—or if you have what it takes to help at all.
What to Do When Your Child is Struggling With Their Mental Health
When it comes to your child's mental health, it can be difficult to know what to do. Here are a few strategies to use in these moments:
Start With Safety, Not Solutions
It’s easier to share our emotions when we feel safe and comfortable to do so. That safety is built in ordinary moments: riding in the car, sitting around the table, doing chores, or winding down at night.
You can leverage these rhythms as natural spaces for conversation. A simple way to break the ice is with Highs, Lows, and Hopes—inviting everyone (including you!) to share:
- One high point from the day
- One low point
- One thing they're hoping for
Taking time for this shows your kids several things: you care about their feelings, it's safe to share them, and it's normal to talk about it.
When they share, give them your full attention. Don't rush to offer solutions—simply listening, being present, and acknowledging their feelings is the best thing you can do.
"What if I Have a Good Solution?"
Sometimes jumping to offer advice while your child is sharing something might send the wrong message. It can come across dismissive, like their issues are just something to "fix."
Simply asking, "Are you looking for solutions or do you just need to vent?" gives them a chance to set their expectations for the conversation and gives you clarity on how you can support them best.
But if you experienced something similar and know something that might genuinely help, just ask—"Would you like some advice?"
Help Them Name What They Feel
Many of us weren't taught how to identify our emotions ourselves, so it's no surprise this can feel uncomfortable as parents. But learning to name feelings is a big step toward managing them.
A feelings chart can help give language to complicated emotions. It helps to move from "fine" or "mad" and start unpacking what's really going on inside. Pair it with gentle questions that prompt reflection (not interrogation), like:
- Which word on the chart best describes how you feel?
- Is this feeling about today, or something that's been building?
- Does this feeling make you want to move, hide, or be quiet?
- What usually helps when you feel like this?
As they share, remind them that all feelings are allowed—sadness, frustration, fear, joy. God cares about every one of them.
“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those whose spirits are crushed.” (Psalm 34:18)
Teach Coping by Living It Out
No matter how old they are, kids are always watching. When they see how you handle stress, disappointment, or uncertainty, they're learning what to do with their own emotions—for better or worse.
Help your kids identify coping strategies that will help calm and soothe tough feelings. Some classic examples are...
...but this is also a great time to get to know the unique things that help them feel better, like movement or exercise they love or a favorite book. It also equips you to offer suggestions when you see them struggling.
Having tools to reach for when feelings get overwhelming is a powerful thing to teach your kids. It helps them recognize that healing is a process, but there are healthy, non-destructive ways to cope along the way.
Root Them in Community
As a parent, it's natural to want your child to come to you about everything. But think back to when you were growing up—there might have been things you didn't want to talk to your parents about because it felt awkward or uncomfortable.
Your kids might not want to talk to you about everything. But if they're going to talk to someone, you can help them identify trustworthy adults to talk to instead of forcing them to talk to you (which could make them shut down more). Other family members, teachers, coaches, or pastors can give wise advice and look out for their well-being—and you'll have the peace of mind knowing they're talking to someone who's equipped to help.
At LCBC, we have leaders in kidMinistry and Student Ministry who care deeply about providing the support, encouragement, and guidance your child needs to grow and thrive. They'll also learn about faith and life alongside their peers and build relationships that will shape their lives during a time when it matters most.
Anchor Them in God's Presence
Faith doesn’t remove hard feelings—but it gives us somewhere to bring them. Let your child see you turn to God for peace, strength, and guidance. Invite them to do the same in ways that feel natural and honest.
This might look like reading the Bible, talking to God, or journaling prayers.
Remind them (and yourself) of God’s promise, and remember that he's steady even when emotions aren't.
“Don’t be afraid, for I am with you. Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand” Isaiah 41:10.
Build Identity Beyond Performance
Your child's value isn't in what they accomplish, but in who they are. You know that—and you hope they know it, too!
But mental health struggles can make it difficult to show up and give 100%. And if your child's self-worth is wrapped up in what they do, they're set up for a brutal cycle of feeling bad, not measuring up, and feeling worse.
Words of affirmation can go a long way. Celebrate effort. Notice perseverance. Share encouragements:
- “I saw how hard you worked.”
- “I’m proud of how you handled that.”
- “You matter, even on hard days.”
When they're struggling, your child needs to remember who they are—someone God created with a purpose (Psalm 139:14), and someone you (and lots of other people) care about.
Consider Counseling
When it comes to your kids, you never have to go it alone. But sometimes you can't help them by yourself.
Mayo Clinic identified these indicators that your child may be struggling with a diagnosable mental illness:
- Feelings of sadness that last two or more weeks.
- Withdrawing from others or being less social than usual.
- Hurting themself or talking about hurting themself.
- Talking about death or suicide.
- Having outbursts or being very moody or irritable.
- Out-of-control, harmful behavior.
- Noticeable changes in mood, behavior or personality.
- Changes in eating habits or weight.
- Trouble sleeping.
- Frequent complaints of head or stomachaches.
- Trouble concentrating.
- Doing poorly in school.
- Skipping school.
If your child's mental health isn't improving with coping strategies alone—or if it's getting worse—they may need more specialized help.
Mental health professionals like counselors and psychiatrists are uniquely qualified to offer support and treatment for mental illness. Connect with a school guidance counselor, your Primary Care Provider, or a therapist to see if your child needs care or treatment.
(If you need help finding a counselor, let us know! We can help get you connected with one.)
You’re Showing Up—and That Matters
You won't get it right all the time, but showing up is half the battle. The more you can be there and present for your kids when they're struggling, and the more you can point them to healthy ways to process and cope, the better equipped they'll be to withstand the ups and downs of life.
And if your child is struggling right now? You're not a bad parent. You're not failing them. Keep showing up, keep praying for them, and keep leaning into resources like these that will help you learn and grow alongside them.
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LCBC stands for Lives Changed By Christ. We are one church in multiple locations across Pennsylvania. Find the location closest to you or join us for Church Online. We can’t wait to connect with you!