There are few wounds that cut quite like church hurt. Church is supposed to be the place where we’re loved and supported. When pain comes from that space—when the people who call themselves Christians hurt us—it can shake us to the core.
Maybe it happened to you. Maybe it happened to someone you care deeply about. Either way, the question feels the same: What do we do now? And how do we ever walk back through those doors again?
What Is Church Hurt? What Does It Look Like?
Church hurt shows up in different ways. Some of it comes from people simply being people—imperfect, messy, and sometimes selfish. And some hurt is far more serious: abuse of power, spiritual manipulation, or actions that should have never happened in a place meant to help us worship Jesus.
People Being People
A lot of church hurt comes from human flaws: miscommunication, personality differences, unmet expectations, or people acting unkindly. While these don’t cause the same kind of pain as true abuse, they still hurt. They’re the everyday collisions that happen when broken people live close together.
Something Truly Wrong Happened
Unfortunately, there are real scenarios of manipulation, spiritual abuse, or other deeply damaging actions. These should never be minimized.
But even with different types of hurt, many of us respond the same way. We pull back to protect ourselves. We assume the whole church must be the problem. But what if we’re walking away from something God designed for our healing because of people who misrepresented him?
How To Heal from Church Hurt
If you’ve ever had food poisoning, you know how awful it is. But you didn’t stop eating forever. You were sick because one meal went wrong—not because all food is unsafe. In the same way, being hurt by some people in the church does not mean God or his Church is untrustworthy. It means broken people acted in broken ways.
So how do we move forward from church hurt? Here are a few steps toward healing and returning to the community God designed for your good.
1. Understand the Two Kinds of Hurt
Naming what you experienced can give you clarity to the path forward.
If you’re hurt by people being people—on the receiving end of selfishness, unkindness, or even a personality type that doesn’t mesh with yours—it may be time for an honest conversation. Sitting down with the person who hurt you could be an important step in healing. It gives you the opportunity to get clarity, closure, and maybe even an apology.
If you’ve experienced abuse in a church setting, don’t minimize what you went through. Your pain is real, and God doesn’t want you to ignore it or pretend it didn’t happen. In fact, in Psalm 34:18, we see that God “is close to the brokenhearted and rescues those whose spirits are crushed.” Your next step from this kind of pain might be reporting abuse, setting boundaries, or seeking counseling—but know that God is with you through all of it.
2. Don’t Assume the Worst About All Churches
When someone hurts us, it’s easy to assume everyone in every church is like that—or that God must be like that too. But:
- One person’s actions do not represent God’s character.
- One painful experience does not define the entire church.
Believing the lie that “all churches are the same” can keep you from the very community God uses to strengthen and heal. Hebrews 10:25 reminds us not to give up meeting together—not because church people are perfect, but because we need each other.
3. Begin the Hard Work of Forgiveness
Forgiveness is one of the most difficult steps—and one of the most freeing. Not because what happened was small. Not because it did not matter. But because bitterness slowly poisons us if we don’t deal with it.
Forgiveness is not cheap. Jesus showed us that. It’s not instant or easy. It’s a daily decision we have to make—and some days are easier than others.
Scripture warns that holding onto offense becomes a trap, a literal snare of the enemy (2 Timothy 2:26). Healing simply can’t happen while bitterness still controls your heart.
Remember, forgiveness doesn’t excuse someone’s behavior or erase boundaries. It also doesn’t require you to reconcile immediately. But it does set you free to experience God and loving community again.
4. Re-Root Yourself in God’s True Character
Hurt from people can warp your view of God if you’re not careful. But God’s character hasn’t changed. He is always faithful. He is always gentle. He is always just.
Before stepping back into church—or while you’re trying to—anchor your heart in who God really is. Let Scripture remind you that the God who loves you is nothing like the people who misrepresented him.
One of the best ways to do that is by revisiting stories of God’s faithfulness in the Bible. You might also need to lean on a trusted friend who can help you see where God has been present all along. You may need to spend time in prayer and relearn what his voice sounds like.
No matter how long it takes, remember that God is patient—and he’s not going anywhere.
5. Take a Brave, Slow Step Back Into Church
This is a situation where “ripping off the Band-Aid" might not be the best approach. Coming back to church doesn’t have to be fast or dramatic. You can sit in the back. You can observe. You can move at whatever pace feels safe. The key is movement.
Healing happens in community, not isolation. Growth happens in connection, not withdrawal. The most important thing is that you start taking steps toward these things so you can see what church is really supposed to be like—a place for imperfect people to encounter a perfect Savior and together fully follow him
Disclaimer: you won’t find a perfect church. If you did, it would stop being perfect the moment any of us walked in. But you can find a community where grace, truth, honesty, and Jesus are the center. And even though hurt may happen again, you don’t have to live afraid of it. God will meet you there.
6. Walk With Others Who Are Hurting
It can’t be said enough: we need each other—especially when we’re healing from pain like church hurt.
Is there a person of faith in your life that you trust enough to open up to about your hurt? Maybe someone who’s been in your shoes? Invite them to sit with you in your pain. Tell them what you’re struggling with and let them be a listening ear. Humbly allow them to challenge you when you’re showing stubbornness or cynicism.
Sometimes we need other people to remind us of God’s faithfulness, and that we don’t have to suffer or pursue healing alone. And who knows—on the other side of your pain, you might be the one to provide the same support for someone else.
Church Hurt Doesn’t Have to Be the End of Your Story
Church hurt is real. It is painful. And God sees every bit of it.
But it doesn’t have to be the thing that keeps you away from him, or from the community he designed for your good. The same God who is close to the brokenhearted can write a redemptive story in your life—one filled with healing, forgiveness, and connection that feels safe again.
Take one step. Start with one Sunday, one conversation, one small movement toward the safety, community, and spiritual growth God wants for you. And trust that he’ll meet you there.
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We care about church hurt, and we want more people to heal from it and discover the life-giving place church can truly be. We talked more about church hurt on the Live Changed Podcast. Check out this episode for an honest conversation about church hurt and how to find healing.
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LCBC stands for Lives Changed By Christ. We are one church in multiple locations across Pennsylvania. Find the location closest to you or join us for Church Online. We can’t wait to connect with you!