At some point in life, most of us create a list of priorities we’re supposed to follow: kids, spouse, career, friends, etc. The order may change depending on stage of life, lived experience, and personal values, but there’s one thing a lot of us unfortunately have in common: somewhere, down at the bottom of the list, might be self-care.
It feels virtuous to be so sacrificial, continuously putting other people and responsibilities at the top of your list. But instead of feeling fulfilled, you're just exhausted.
You’re not selfish for feeling that way. Your priorities just aren’t set up in a way that’s sustainable.
What Does Selfishness Really Look Like?
If you’re reading this, there’s a good chance you’ve worked hard not to be selfish—or you’ve watched someone you love burn out trying. The fear of being self-focused can keep us locked into unhealthy patterns, even when they’re quietly draining us.
The Bible actually draws a clear line between selfishness and healthy self-awareness.
Selfishness is inward-focused living. A selfish person puts their own wants above the good of others. And God offers a lot of caution against this:
- “Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves.” (Philippians 2:3)
- “For wherever there is jealousy and selfish ambition, there you will find disorder and evil of every kind.” (James 3:16)
The problem isn’t having needs. The problem is letting your needs rule you—or ignoring them entirely.
When you neglect your health long enough, the impact spreads. Stress leaks into your relationships. Parenting becomes reactive instead of intentional. Faith, if it’s part of your life, can start to feel like pressure instead of peace.
Skipping yourself on the priority list might appear selfless—but it doesn’t serve the people you love the way you hope it does. Instead of showing up attentive and present, you're running on fumes and offering your leftovers.
A healthy you, on the other hand, is one of the best gifts you can give. Taking responsibility for your physical, mental, and spiritual health positions you to love others.
“But I can’t even imagine how to start doing that!”
What Self Care Actually Looks Like
If you’re not used to making space for yourself, self-care can sound indulgent—or even irresponsible. But caring for yourself isn’t about comfort for comfort’s sake. It’s about stewardship.
Here’s what God says about tending the most important areas of health.
Physical Health
“I’ll sleep when I’m dead,” is a joke lots of us like to make. But your body isn’t an afterthought to God. It’s something he cares deeply about.
“Don't you realize,” 1 Corinthians 6:19-20 says, “that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who lives in you and was given to you by God? You do not belong to yourself, for God bought you with a high price. So you must honor God with your body.”
Caring for your physical health isn’t selfish. It’s a way to honor God by taking care of what he’s given you. So, honor when you need to rest, prioritize movement, and make sure you’re eating regular meals that nourish and fuel your body.
Mental Health
The Bible doesn’t shy away from the reality of our emotions. God invites people to bring their stress, fear, and confusion to him (1 Peter 5:7). Plus, there are so many stories in the Bible that shed light on the reality and importance of mental health.
Taking care of your mental health isn’t a one-size-fits-all approach, but we’ve compiled lots of resources to help you find healing—whether you’re struggling with anxiety, depression, or something else.
Spiritual Health
Caring for your spiritual health isn’t meant to be something that creates more pressure—it's about finding hope and restoration in connection. In Matthew 11:28, Jesus extends an invitation: “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest.”
You can’t always control how much is on your plate. You may have responsibilities to prioritize that feel heavy. But neglecting your spiritual health means it’s up to you to carry it all—while finding regular rest with Jesus gives you someone to share the load with.
All it takes is trusting Jesus and making time to connect with him regularly by reading the Bible, talking to him in prayer, and engaging in your faith with others.
A Selfless Life Is Built From the Inside Out
A more life-giving way to think about priorities looks like this:
A healthy you leads to healthier relationships, which creates stronger families and friendships and allows you to serve and work from overflow instead of exhaustion.
Jesus modeled this rhythm. In the middle of relentless need, he told his disciples, “Let’s go off by ourselves to a quiet place and rest awhile” (Mark 6:31).
Jesus didn’t rest because the work didn’t matter. He rested because it did.
When your life is ordered from the inside out, caring for yourself isn’t selfish—it’s protective. You’re guarding the relationships, responsibilities, and calling God has placed in your care.
Putting yourself first doesn’t mean you matter more than everyone else. It means you’re stewarding the one life God has given you so the people you love don’t get what’s left of you, but the best of you. And that’s where you can be truly selfless!
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