There are times where it’s just hard to say no. Everyone else around you is saying yes. You don’t want to be a disappointment. You don’t want to make someone else’s life harder. It would just be easier to say yes.
Whether you’d describe yourself as a people-pleaser, you’re scared of rejection, or you just don’t want to be the kind of person that rocks the boat—“no” might not be a common word in your vocabulary.
Plus, saying “yes” and being agreeable is the kind, loving thing to do...right?
The Problem With “Yes”
Saying “yes” often seems like the nice thing to do. And most of the time it is! There are a lot of “Yes’s” that have a positive effect on our relationships and our faith, like saying “Yes!” to...
- Spending time reading the Bible or talking to God in prayer
- Reading one more bedtime story to your child
- Making time to see an old friend
But too much of a good thing is actually a bad thing—and becoming a “yes man” who agrees to everything isn’t healthy or sustainable in the long run. In fact, it can have the opposite effect you want on your relationships with others and with God.
People-Pleasing Points to Something Deeper
You may struggle deep down with fear that saying “no” will make you less valuable or less deserving of love. “Yes” becomes a failsafe to make sure nobody abandons you or thinks less of you.
But the people who truly love you don’t love you because of what you do for them. They love you for who you are. But when you project those deep fears—assuming you’ll be a burden or a disappointment for saying no—you're only hurting yourself. Too much "yes" can leave you overscheduled, overworked, and exhausted. It can make you bitter and resentful toward the people you care about. In extreme cases, it can affect your mental health.
Hebrews 12:15 warns us not to let a “poisonous root of bitterness” take root in our hearts. And too much “yes” is the fertilizer for those roots.
But even though saying “no” is important, it isn’t always easy.
When (and How) to Say No
There are certain situations where the best response—almost always—is “no.” Here are some questions to ask yourself before you say “yes” or “no.”
Will it bring peace or stress?
Some “yes” feels good in the moment but can leave you drained, anxious, or overwhelmed later. Your emotions often give clues about whether a commitment aligns with God’s leading—his voice doesn’t come wrapped in stress, pressure, or panic. If taking this on will likely leave you frazzled instead of peaceful, it may be a sign that this is a “no.”
Ways to say no:
- “I appreciate you asking, but I can’t take this on right now.”
- “I want to give this my best, but I don’t have the capacity at the moment.”
Will it make this relationship healthier?
There are lots of relationships that are worth saying “yes” to. Your kids, your spouse, your family and friends deserve your best. But there are certain relationships where saying “yes” can do more harm than good. If “yes” will require you to put off a crucial conversation, setting an important boundary (or compromising one you’ve already made), or make you feel more strained or resentful of them—it's time to say “no.”
Ways to say no:
- “I want to support you, but I can’t commit to this right now. Is there another way I can help?”
- “I care about you and our relationship, and I think saying no now will help us more in the long run.”
If you feel like you can’t say no—you feel unsafe, controlled, or threatened—your safety is most important. Saying no in these situations can be difficult or even dangerous. Consider reaching out to trained professionals who can help: contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1‑800‑799‑SAFE (7233) or visit thehotline.org.
Will I still have time for the things that matter most?
Your time is limited, and your priorities are precious. Sometimes saying no to good things is necessary so you can say yes to the best things: your family, your faith, rest, or responsibilities. Protecting these priorities isn’t selfish—it’s a sign of your integrity and commitment.
Ways to say no:
- “I need to prioritize other commitments, so I’ll have to pass this time.”
- “I’d love to help, but my schedule is full right now.”
Will I have to compromise my integrity or beliefs?
Not every request or opportunity aligns with your values. If saying yes would make you act in ways that conflict with your faith or personal boundaries, it’s a clear signal to decline. Saying “no” can be a way to communicate your boundaries while still showing respect and care.
Ways to say no:
- “I don’t feel comfortable agreeing to this, so I’ll have to say no.”
- “I need to pass on this one to stay aligned with my values. I hope you understand.”
Will I regret saying yes later?
Some “yeses” can pull you toward unhealthy habits or temptations—having one more drink, looking at things online that you'd scrub from your search history, or crossing a line that could hurt your relationships or your integrity. If a part of you can already imagine wishing you’d said no, that’s a strong sign to pause and protect yourself now.
Ways to say no:
- “I don’t think this is the right choice for me. I need to pass.”
- “I’m going to pass on this one—I don’t want to put myself in a situation I might regret later.”
If you’re having an especially hard time saying no, you may be struggling with an addictive behavior. Professional support and confidential resources are available. For alcohol or drug abuse, reach out to the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) at 1‑800‑662‑HELP (4357) or visit samhsa.gov, and for help with pornography, you can contact Fight the New Drug or your local counseling services. (If you need help finding a counselor, let us know.)
Before You Say No
Jesus encouraged us to be clear in our words: “Just say a simple, ‘Yes, I will,’ or ‘No, I won’t’” (Matthew 5:37). But a poorly-delivered “no” can be just as destructive as a regrettable “yes.” Before you burn a bridge, make sure you...
- Talk to God about it. He's the ultimate source of wisdom, and he can guide you when a “no” is the right choice.
- Have the right conversation with the right person at the right time. Do you need to have a
- Offer context—but keep it simple. “No” can be a complete sentence, but sometimes a brief explanation can keep the other person from feeling dismissed or hurt. You don’t need to overshare—just give enough to show that your decision comes from a caring place.
Keep Your Commitment
Sometimes it’s tempting to say yes just to keep the peace. We avoid hard conversations or difficult decisions—but that kind of peace is often temporary and can hold you back from growth.
Making peace looks different. It happens when you set healthy boundaries, have the conversations that matter, and focus on what’s most important. Saying no in these moments, and sticking to it, isn’t just about protecting yourself—it’s a way of making peace in your relationships, building trust, and living with integrity. “No” might be hard in the moment, but it can make things so much better in the long run.
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